I say “all” rather presumptuously; I really have no idea how many regular readers I have. Probably not as many as I like to think. I know there are three people I’m aware of In Real Life who check up on this regularly. To them, and anyone else who does the same, thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means to me.
I don’t know what to say except that I’m going to be taking a hiatus from posting. I have no idea how long this will be. For all I know, it might be no longer than my last one – which was a matter of a couple days, if that. All I can say is that things are hitting me hard right now, to the point where I’m not sure I can make a post with the same amount of direction, focus, and message as I usually like to have on here. I am relatively good at singling out issues to write on. I have more trouble when I feel too overwhelmed to pick anything out.
This is not a blog where I seek support. It’s where I try to, by some means or another, show other victims that they’re not alone in whatever they’re feeling, even if that feeling is Wrong by whatever standards exist. It’s also where I try to give non-victims some idea of how I, as a victim (not necessarily representative of victims as a whole) feel and react.
But there are some parts of it that not everyone needs to see.
I don’t know how to be helpless around people. I don’t know what to say to anyone right now, online or in the real world.
All I know is that I feel very alone, and pushed very far back into my own head, and am having a very large amount of trouble finding meaning in anything right now.
I want to be moved by something again.
I know that’s my own responsibility. Don’t tell me. I already know. I know the politically correct answers. I know all of them.
But I know better than to talk about these things with people. And this is why I might not update until I can get my head around this. If I can get my head around this.