This post was spurred by two conversations I had yesterday that left me completely flabbergasted.
Let’s have a little question and answer session here.
Q: Why is it considered totally logical for men to “hate” feminists because “I mean, some of them are okay, but a few bad apples, y’know?”, but totally irrational for women to be distrusting and resentful of men for the same reason?
A: Fuck if I know.
Yeah, okay. Rant at me about semantics, tell me that feminists “choose” to be feminists and men don’t “choose” to be men. I gotcha. I get it. Technicalities. How nice for you.
How do you respond to the fact that women are a little bit fucking justified in having those views toward men?
About six percent of men self report raping*.
That’s just the self reporting. That doesn’t include men like my rapists, both of whom vehemently deny that anything that they did was rape. They justified it to themselves. They did what they had to do to convince themselves that “no” (or frightened silence, or crying, or pushing away) meant “yes”.
One of the most common reasons that young women end up in the emergency room is due to abusive boyfriends and husbands.
Yes, men are victims too. Yes, women are perpetrators, too. The dynamic can run all sorts of ways. But that “yes, but” does nothing to diminish the seriousness of this point.
What justifies men hating feminists?
Oh, gee. I mean, they can just be so obnoxious, y’know? Some of them just really get on your fucking nerves, y’know? They just take it way too far.
What a calamity. How terribly that must effect you personally. Poor baby.
Yeah, y’know what? I think “difference feminism” is kinda bullshit. Equality feminism is where it’s at. I’m not looking to be put up on a pedestal and admired just because I have a vagina. I’m not trying to reinstate Amazon culture and force my husband to cook at home while I slice one of my own tits off to better hold a bow and arrow.
But, crazy as it may sound, I’d really like NOT to be treated as a second-class citizen because I happen to be lacking a penis.
And for all this, I manage not to be a misandrist. I would be very justified in being one, but I’m not. I have been raped, I have been hit, I have been stalked, I have had partners steal from me and cheat on me, and I have had men from all walks of life and all relations to me tell me that I am worth less than them Because I Am A Woman or should shut up Because I Am A Woman or won’t be taken seriously Because I Am A Woman.
Yet I recognize that there are good men out there, and for their sakes, I do not go around spouting out thoughtless phrases about how I hate all men because of those ever-so-prevalent Bad Apples.
So how about men show a little fucking fairness and take the same attitude toward feminism? Because I’m done with it. I’m done constantly throwing the male population a bone by nodding and saying “I understand, yeah, some feminists can push it a little too much, but that’s not really what it’s about and – oh. Okay. You don’t want to listen? That’s fine. I get it. I won’t force you.”
Fuck that shit.
It is not my job to hold your hand through my explanation of why I am not okay with you hating feminists.
I don’t care if you are a Nice Guy™, that still does not give you the privilege of dismissing me as a “femiNazi” (who ever decided that was an appropriate word to use for anything in the first place?).
You do not get the privilege of looking down your nose at people who by and large just want to be treated as human, while simultaneously telling me that I’m out of line for resenting that selfsame subhuman treatment.
And guess what?
If I need to explain this to you, then maybe you’re not such a Nice Guy™ after all.
*If you don’t believe me, head over this way: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/